“If you’re being honest—why not say you are enjoying this beating you’re giving yourself? That would be the truth. Why not be just what you are and do just what you do?” Cal sat in shock from this thought. Enjoying?—of course. By whipping himself he protected himself against whipping by someone else.” (John Steinbeck - East of Eden)
I'm scared of being bad.
In my life I feel like I have a lot of things to give. I want to be amazing and fantastic but that's the truth.
I'm thinking now of all of the things that I'd like to produce and I realize that I'm not producing them. I realize that I don't really have the skills necessary to do so. So here's the deal. I want to make more things and learn more stuff but I'm hamstrung by you, the reader, and your imaginary (or real) criticism and I don't want it to hold me back anymore.
Here's my confession
I'm going to get some stuff done. It's going to be bad. I'm going to make things that might offend people, break on people, and might not be perfect. But I promise you I make them with the best of intentions and I'm trying to make them as good as I can. I'm trying to be honest with myself and allow myself some freedom. So please give your true feedback. Do your best to be socially graceful but I'll understand if you aren't. And please allow me the same right. I believe in freedom of speech and I believe that I'm killing myself with stress trying to plot out what's the best move. I'm sick of making moves on a chess board by myself. I want to get out there and do something with myself. I don't know if getskill.co or is a better option for my website. I like referring to it as Get Skill but I know that it would help my personal brand more if I was to call it jake.tips. I'll keep both domains, but I'll just go with the one I like more, and change it if there's a problem. I am smart, I try my hardest, but in the real world no one knows the answers to all of the problems you or I encounter. I'll give things an honest shot and listen to feedback but I'm going to give myself permission to have fun and make mistakes.
When I make videos I worry that I'm not making something right and I don't have a solution to it. Well sometimes the right answer isn't there but I want to move forward with my life. If I think of it I'll note it for my future projects and I'm sorry I didn't think of it in time for you but I have to get it out of me so please just let it be bad.
Let your work be bad.
Just for a bit.
Say why it's bad and learn from it.
Let your life be bad.
Even if for a second.
Because you'll see the beauty in it
This poem isn't perfect
And that's okay.
So cut me some slack
And let it be bad.
I hope you can trust me enough to say that I can make that poem better. But it accomplishes the goal for now and it's okay that it's not perfect. If it's important I'll make it better in the future. But for now the tap is flowing. The gunk is clearing out of my brain and I'm not so neurotic. I feel better. Like I don't have to do so much self control.
Self control takes resources from my ability to think. The best feeling is often cited as "flow" where you get lost in the task and the world fades away. According to Thinking Fast and Slow that happens when you find a task that engages you so effectively that you don't have to practice self control of thoughts anymore. I would postulate that that is because the task gives you such clear feedback that it controls the problem for you. So I'm moving faster because that would challenge me more and I'm dying waiting around. I'm not going to try breaking things. But if I do break something understand that I am trying my best, just like you. Call me out on it. Please do. But don't hate me if I say that I'm okay with it being broken.
Watch Bob Ross paint. His message is about how you can't screw up. Put a big black mark in on the painting. It's a tree. Your lines might look terrible at first, but you can learn and improve. Trust yourself to adapt and get better.
Just let it be bad.